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Rebecca's Story
Posted Nov 4,
2008
My husband and I have been married for
seven years and our daughter is now three and a half.
For most people we must look like the perfect family
unit but trying to get here has taken so much energy
out of me that sometimes I don't know if I have the
ability to carry on trying to give her a sibling. I
hate the days when I am cross with her because I always
remember how much of a void she has filled in my life
. I wonder if I will ever be able to explain to her
how much she was wanted by her parents. I thought that
after our first miscarriage I would be able to get pregnant
again, but after two years of trying unsuccessfully
I was put on clomid. No reason given by my doctor except
she thought I needed to get pregnant (I think she was
concerned by my emotional state) It did not work, I
felt ill and still did not ovulate regularly - once
in three months of very high doses of Clomid. So we
gave up, I threw myself into a new job, somehow we managed
to get pregnant three months after stopping Clomid.
| Everyone said that I had just needed to relax,
there is some truth in that but it was such an
understatement and it meant that the responsibility
for not getting pregnant was all on my emotional
state, which equals guilt for not being the type
of woman who can just relax. Also it took away
from the fact that we did actually have a fertility
problem. Now I think back and wonder why I didn't
ask more questions.
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I did go back to the doctor
after my daughter turned one, I had irregular
periods but blood tests were within the normal
range. I was having periods every 30 -60 days,
again I was told to relax. I could not lose any
baby weight but just thought things would settle
down. I suppose I did not want to be wasting everyone's
time, but I did want another baby. Eventually
I changed doctors and have just been diagnosed
with PCOS
- although I do not fit the typical profile and
have had a child so most doctors would overlook
PCOS. I have been on a diet for the
last three months and now am thinking hard about
trying fertility treatments. I am scared of going
down this route because it means revisiting the
feelings that go with addressing your fertility.
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