Posted June 14, 2006
My name is Melissa. I just had my 30th
birthday and my husband and I have been trying to conceive
for a little over 3 years. We have been together for
10 years and married for 5. In those years we have built
a wonderful life together, one we'd like to share with
A friend suggested I get some mental support
on this infertility thing and I thought to myself, I
do not need that. I am strong. But then I thought it
would not hurt to read about other people's stories
so that I know I am not alone. After reading about 10
stories, I got a little teary-eyed and realized that
maybe I am not as strong as I thought and all of the
things that I have been dealing with for 3 years are
tired of being stored behind a happy face, a glass of
wine and a good sense of humor. I am FRUSTRATED. I,
like most of you, have friends and family who try to
be supportive but most, if not all, have a family.
In the last year I have had 3 friends
become pregnant. 2 of whom don't even like that they
are pregnant (don't get me started) and the other who
couldn't be happier. I don't know who I hate more. I
come from a family of fertlie myrtles. I am the only
child in my immediate family (there are 6 of us) who
can't seem to time it right. I hear of people getting
pregant while on drugs, and while drunk and even on
their period and I can't conceive with Chlomid (clomid)
and a record book.
This is my story. My husband (who I adore)
and I decided to have a baby 2 years after we were married.
The first year nothing happened. We went to my OBGYN
and they ran some tests. I had the dye test (hysterosalpingogram)
to check my tubes and my husband had his sperm tested.
We were both fine. They started me on Clomid and after
about 18 cycles....nothing! I was going to switch doctors
any day but I never did.
In May of 2005 my period came as usual
but I was losing a lot of hair and my period lasted
about 10 days longer then it should have. Normally my
periods last 3 days (I used to think I was lucky). So
I went to the doctor and they informed me that I was
pregnant. At that moment, I felt such joy that I cried
(something I NEVER do) I was not expecting those words.
I literally was shaking. I could not wait to tell my
I asked why I was still bleeding and they
said sometimes that happens and that I needed to get
an ultrasound right away. That was a Friday. The ultrasound
was scheduled for the following Monday. That weekend
felt like 10 years. Am I pregnant? Did I lose it? Why
am I cramping? Is this bleeding really normal? I know,
I will bargain with God to let me keep this baby, that
will work! Maybe if I pray hard enough, long enough
all of this will really happen. That is definitely desperation
talking. My husband and I decided not to tell anyone
the good news as we were unsure if it was in fact good
news. Both of my parents are deceased so I only had
to hide it from my siblings (one figured it out). Monday
came and I went in. During the procedure (which was
not at my doctors office but at a hospital) I was informed
that they could not see the sac, but not to worry, maybe
I am ony 3 weeks pregnant rather than 6 weeks pregnant.
They would not give me results and instead sent me to
my doctors' office that morning.
The medical assistant (not my doctor)
informed me that my levels were low and I, in fact,
did miscarry. Angry and upset that I could have avoided
the ultrasound with a simple blood test, I informed
the medical assistant that I did not appreciate the
the way I was being shuffled around. I wanted to lash
out at someone, anyone! The day this happened was May
One month later, my husband and I had
our annual 4th of July party and to my delight we had
a very nice turn out. I was happy to see all of my friends
and family but a little dead inside because everyone
was there with their little ones and I was mourning
the loss of mine. But, we must carry on. So I made the
best of it, enjoyed the festivities and tried to be
a good host.
The anniversary of my miscarriage was
two weeks ago. I changed fertility specilaists in March
of this year and now I am on Clomid again but with Fortamet
(to reduce risk of miscarriage). It has been 3 months
and I am still not pregnant. I so hoped to be pregnant
by the time our 4th of July party came around this year.
I am 2 days late on my period, so, being optimistic,
I took the test and it was negative. I suppose tests
can be wrong, but with the way this has worked out in
the past it probably is not. Well, that is my story.
I hope to have an inspirational ending in the near future.
I will keep you posted. For now, I will be praying for
all of us. I thank God everyday for the blessings in
my life. I couldn't be more fortunate in regards to
my husband and my life....I just wish we could share
it with our child.