Melissa's Story
Posted June 14, 2006

My name is Melissa. I just had my 30th birthday and my husband and I have been trying to conceive for a little over 3 years. We have been together for 10 years and married for 5. In those years we have built a wonderful life together, one we'd like to share with a baby.

A friend suggested I get some mental support on this infertility thing and I thought to myself, I do not need that. I am strong. But then I thought it would not hurt to read about other people's stories so that I know I am not alone. After reading about 10 stories, I got a little teary-eyed and realized that maybe I am not as strong as I thought and all of the things that I have been dealing with for 3 years are tired of being stored behind a happy face, a glass of wine and a good sense of humor. I am FRUSTRATED. I, like most of you, have friends and family who try to be supportive but most, if not all, have a family.

In the last year I have had 3 friends become pregnant. 2 of whom don't even like that they are pregnant (don't get me started) and the other who couldn't be happier. I don't know who I hate more. I come from a family of fertlie myrtles. I am the only child in my immediate family (there are 6 of us) who can't seem to time it right. I hear of people getting pregant while on drugs, and while drunk and even on their period and I can't conceive with Chlomid (clomid) and a record book.

This is my story. My husband (who I adore) and I decided to have a baby 2 years after we were married. The first year nothing happened. We went to my OBGYN and they ran some tests. I had the dye test (hysterosalpingogram) to check my tubes and my husband had his sperm tested. We were both fine. They started me on Clomid and after about 18 cycles....nothing! I was going to switch doctors any day but I never did.

In May of 2005 my period came as usual but I was losing a lot of hair and my period lasted about 10 days longer then it should have. Normally my periods last 3 days (I used to think I was lucky). So I went to the doctor and they informed me that I was pregnant. At that moment, I felt such joy that I cried (something I NEVER do) I was not expecting those words. I literally was shaking. I could not wait to tell my husband.

I asked why I was still bleeding and they said sometimes that happens and that I needed to get an ultrasound right away. That was a Friday. The ultrasound was scheduled for the following Monday. That weekend felt like 10 years. Am I pregnant? Did I lose it? Why am I cramping? Is this bleeding really normal? I know, I will bargain with God to let me keep this baby, that will work! Maybe if I pray hard enough, long enough all of this will really happen. That is definitely desperation talking. My husband and I decided not to tell anyone the good news as we were unsure if it was in fact good news. Both of my parents are deceased so I only had to hide it from my siblings (one figured it out). Monday came and I went in. During the procedure (which was not at my doctors office but at a hospital) I was informed that they could not see the sac, but not to worry, maybe I am ony 3 weeks pregnant rather than 6 weeks pregnant. They would not give me results and instead sent me to my doctors' office that morning.

The medical assistant (not my doctor) informed me that my levels were low and I, in fact, did miscarry. Angry and upset that I could have avoided the ultrasound with a simple blood test, I informed the medical assistant that I did not appreciate the the way I was being shuffled around. I wanted to lash out at someone, anyone! The day this happened was May 31st, 2005.

One month later, my husband and I had our annual 4th of July party and to my delight we had a very nice turn out. I was happy to see all of my friends and family but a little dead inside because everyone was there with their little ones and I was mourning the loss of mine. But, we must carry on. So I made the best of it, enjoyed the festivities and tried to be a good host.

The anniversary of my miscarriage was two weeks ago. I changed fertility specilaists in March of this year and now I am on Clomid again but with Fortamet (to reduce risk of miscarriage). It has been 3 months and I am still not pregnant. I so hoped to be pregnant by the time our 4th of July party came around this year. I am 2 days late on my period, so, being optimistic, I took the test and it was negative. I suppose tests can be wrong, but with the way this has worked out in the past it probably is not. Well, that is my story. I hope to have an inspirational ending in the near future. I will keep you posted. For now, I will be praying for all of us. I thank God everyday for the blessings in my life. I couldn't be more fortunate in regards to my husband and my life....I just wish we could share it with our child.