Janah's Story
Posted February 13, 2005

My husband and I planned to have children right away. We thought it would happen on our honeymoon.

After a few months of trying and not becoming pregnant I made a trip to see my Gynecologist. She did many blood tests as well as other invasive tests and came up with nothing getting in the way of us getting pregnant, so we continued counting each cycle from the begging to ovulation, hoping and praying that that cycle would be the magic one that would bring our dreams to reality. Before we knew it, the months turned into years. That was a very trying time for me. I could not understand why this was happening to me. I felt so much guilt and failure. I went to the Internet and searched for knowledge on infertility. Alex felt it was bad for me to dwell on what might not even be a problem. I got involved in an infertility forum and sought guidance and support from fellow infertile women. I formed a tight bond with a few of the women whom I hope to stay in touch with forever. They were like soul sisters to me.

We then were advised by another gynecologist to see a specialist, A Reproductive Endocrinologist. We found The Center For Reproductive Care in Exeter. After counseling with the doctor we decided to pursue our infertility issue more aggressively. We went to injectable drugs so that I would produce more than one egg during a cycle so that our chances of becoming pregnant would be greater. Alex learned how to give me the injections and it pained him as much as me with every injection. We then went on to artificial insemination, better known as *IUI (Intrauterine insemination). We did 4 cycles of these with no positive outcome. My doctor said I would have no choice but to undergo exploratory surgery to see what was going on. I had surgery in May of 2001. There was scar tissue on my uterus that the doctor cleaned up in surgery and by June on 2001, I was pregnant.

You can not believe the incredible JOY we felt after over 2-1/2 years of trying. I began spotting by the 6th week of pregnancy. I was told not to worry about it. We had our first ultrasound on August 1st and everything looked good. The baby had a strong heartbeat. We were so overcome with joy to see our little baby. The little heartbeat was flickering so fast and hard. Then 3 days later the spotting picked up and changed in color. We were so scared but tried to stay positive. Well, our baby died August 6, 2001 at 9-1/2 weeks. Our hearts were broken in two! I know I will never be the same after this loss. I will grieve that baby for the rest of my life.

After a few months of physical healing we decided to pursue treatments again. We were pregnant again in November 2001. This turned out to be a chemical pregnancy and my period started a week later.

Well, now we were feeling desperate. My age was definitely getting in the way by this time. After much discussion we decided to go for broke and try a cycle of **IVF (In-vitro fertilization). February 17, 2002 I started the injectable drugs. February 25th with 8 follicles (eggs) to work with, we were off to Brigham & Womens Hospital in Boston to aspirate the folicles and join the ova with Alex's sperm. Well, 6 out of the 8 ova fertilized. That is much less than we had hoped to be working with. February 28th we went back to Boston for the transfer of the embryos, by this time only 5 embryos were good. Alex named them "eany, meany, miny, mo, and catcha. We had to make fun with it to get through it. March 13 I got a positive test and the numbers were very high and climbing higher all the time. We went for an ultrasound on March 25th. We had twins!! I had wanted twins my whole life. It was a dream come true. Within just a few days things went down hill and I lost both of the babies that same week. At this point we were trying to decide whether to give up or not. I did not think I could ever go through another miscarraige again. I did get through this miscarriage much easier than the first one but the feelings of hopelessness had creeped in. We did know that we did not want to go through another IVF cycle again.

After 3 more months of healing physically and still not really 100% sure if after spending over 3-1/2 years trying to get pregnant I had it in me to just give up. We decided to do one more cycle of IUI as I just could not go through another IVF for financial and emotional reasons. This time we tried a VERY aggresive drug cycle. I asked the RE if I could use the drug protocol for an IVF cycle for an IUI cycle and he agreed. On July 16th I went in for a blood test and I was pregnant again. The HCG levels were nice and high. I was definitely guarding my heart at this point. I refused to get my hopes up. I just spent every day waiting for the spotting to start and it never did.

On August 6th, exactly 1 year from the death of our first precious baby, we went in for an ultrasound. You can imagine the fear I felt. I tried so hard to have hope that the heart would be beating and that we would see our baby but I had those old visions in my mind from that day, one year ago. We did see a heart beat and our baby. PTL! but at the same time I was still so fearful. I refused to fall in love with this baby at this point. I had to trust that the Lord is in control and I had to just have FAITH!

We made it! Our dreams came true!

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