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Holly's Story
posted Oct 23, 2010
I would like to share my story of a miraculous
journey that has changed the lives of 5 people forever.
It all started in the spring of 2009. I had always wanted
to become a surrogate
for a couple who could not have children on their own.
I remember telling my mom years ago that I would like
to do it, and her response was a very typical response
that a lot of people have who are naive in the surrogacy
journey. She responded by saying, “you could never
be a surrogate, how would you just give a baby up (abandon
it) after carrying it for 9 months”. “That’s
not you.” Well, I thought about it & thought
maybe she was right, that would be awfully hard to do.
So, needless to say, in 1998 I had my 2nd child &
decided to have a tubal
ligation. I knew that I did not want anymore children,
I could not financially afford to have anymore at that
point & I also thought that 2 was a perfect number!
After I had my tubal ligation, I thought that surrogacy
was no longer an option, as I could
not have children anymore. So, the surrogacy idea quickly
vanished from my thoughts.
| In 2009, many years later, I was searching
online & happened to come across a surrogacy
story. My mind raced back to the time when
I had wanted so badly to do this. I was reading
the article & found that there are 2 types
of surrogates, gestational & traditional.
Traditional is when the surrogate uses her own
eggs, the baby is genetically & biologically
related to the surrogate. Gestational is when
the surrogate has embryos implanted into her via
IVF (in-vitro
fertilization) from another woman, the baby is
not genetically or biologically related to the
surrogate. I was floored when I kept reading &
found that you could still become a gestational
surrogate, even when you had a tubal ligation
done in the past. In fact, some IPs (intended
parents) even prefer this, because there is a
very slim chance (almost zero) that the surrogate
could become pregnant with her own child in the
process of trying to become pregnant with implanted
embryos.
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I mulled this over for a few weeks and decided to talk
to my husband about it. We had been married for almost
5 years at the time, he has 3 children from a previous
marriage & I have 2. We have no children together
& did not plan on ever having anymore children.
He surprised me very much by actually saying he would
like to do it!! We had talked in the past about how
we would never get to share in the joy of being pregnant
together & how he would never get to see me pregnant
with that big ol’ belly! He was very into the
idea of helping out another couple, while also sharing
in a pregnancy that otherwise would never happen.
I also must tell you that in 2007, I had been seeing
my doctor because I had very painful, heavy periods.
I had been going to another doctor for months with no
avail, he just kept putting me on birth control pills
to try & regulate it. After months of no relief
in sight, I started seeing a different doctor. His first
thoughts were that I had endometriosis.
He immediately did an internal ultrasound & found
many fibroid tumors (which he said most women have,
that they should not being causing all these complications)
and also a large cyst on my right ovary. He decided
it was time for surgery. This particular doctor does
not perform surgeries anymore, he was up there in age
& did not feel comfortable doing them at this point.
I was referred to yet another doctor who performed the
surgery. During the surgery, the doctor was to remove
‘everything’, it was going to be a total
hysterectomy. I was only 32 at the time, but I was okay
with the decision because I just wanted the pain to
stop. During surgery, the doctor did remove my right
ovary, but could not perform the hysterectomy. He described
it to us by saying the uterus was ‘fused’
to the stomach wall & when he tried to separate
them, the bleeding was uncontrollable. He said he was
not comfortable performing the complete surgery, that
if my pain persisted I would have to have another surgery
& it would need to be with a specialist who could
handle it.
The surgery did work, my pain was gone. Now, looking
back on it, that was the best thing that could have
ever happened. Because of that, I could still become
a surrogate for another couple.
I started web surfing like crazy, looking for couples
that wanted to have a surrogate carry for them. I applied
at 2 different agencies & was contacting a 3rd.
I had also gone to a website that has forums & blogs
for IPs & surrogates to meet each other. I had found
a couple on there also & we had been emailing back
& forth quite a bit. They were from Tennessee, myself
from Ohio, & we hit it off! We sent pictures back
& forth & emailed daily. All of a sudden, they
had stopped emailing. When I questioned what was wrong,
if they had changed their minds, they said yes they
had something come up & could not financially afford
to do surrogacy at this point. I was so upset with this
news, I talked to my husband about it & he said
he thought we should go through an agency because there
are just so many legal issues we could not handle on
our own. I reluctantly agreed, thinking it would take
forever waiting on an agency to find us a match. We
filled out pages & pages of information & answered
tons of questions, we also sent in photos of ourselves
& our family. Not too long after this, I was contacted
by one of the agencies & was told that they may
have a couple who was interested in me becoming a surrogate
for them. I was ecstatic!!
We had a telephone ‘meet & greet’ between
the intended mother, myself & the lady from the
agency. It was very nerve racking for me, I do not like
to talk on the phone anyways & I was so afraid of
saying the wrong thing and not getting ‘picked’
to be their surrogate. I thought the phone call had
went ok, but I just knew I wasn’t going to hear
back from them. To my surprise, I did hear back &
they did want to have me become their surrogate!!
In September of 2009, my husband & I travelled
to the fertility center (about 5 hours away) & I
was examined , had blood drawn & also talked to
a nurse about medications I would need to be on. We
then met the IPs, for the first time, along with the
lady from the agency for lunch. Unfortunately, we did
not have much time together because we had yet another
appointment to get to. This time it was with a psychologist
& I had to be evaluated there also. I was so nervous
meeting the IPs, I had hives all over & I just kept
thinking that they were going to change their minds
about us because I am not the most outspoken person
& come across as ‘stuck-up’ because
I am so quiet & reserved. We were so overwhelmed
on the way home later that day! I was full of happiness
that this was finally happening, but I was also feeling
uneasy about how the meeting went with the IPs. Looking
back on it, I had nothing to worry about, this was the
beginning of a fantastic journey!!
I started on all my meds as soon as possible, as the
IPs were anxious to get started after so many years
of disappointment. I had to start on oral medications,
vaginal creams, patches and also shots that were administered
in my belly. The shots were not too bad, thank God my
husband could give them to me. There is no way I could
do it myself, I could not watch! The patches made my
hormones just go completely out of whack. My family
got the bad end of that deal, I was very moody &
cranky when the patches started kicking in.
We went in November for our first IVF. They transferred
2 embryos into my uterus, this was so amazing to watch
on the television screen they had set up in the room.
I was very optimistic & thought I would soon be
pregnant! Unfortunately, after waiting almost 2 weeks,
the results came back negative. The doctor gave my body
a rest for almost a month & we started right back
up on the meds. Some of my hormone levels were a little
lower than the doctor would have liked, so we postponed
the 2nd IVF yet another month & I started taking
another oral medication.
In February of 2010, we travelled to the clinic for
the 2nd IVF, they transferred 2 embryos again. This
time, I knew what to expect & things were much easier
& much more relaxed. I decided that I was going
to do everything opposite of what I had done after the
1st IVF, since the 1st attempt had failed. I think I
was becoming a little superstitious at this point! So,
instead of laying in bed for 2 days, going bored out
of my head, I only lay down for a few hours. Then, my
husband & I went for a drive to the lake & took
a little walk & then went to eat. I just knew this
time it was going to work!
The waiting at home was agony! The first time around,
I had started doing at home pregnancy tests almost daily
about a week after the transfer. This time, I did not
want to do any until 9 days in (this is when they say
you should be able to tell). The IP kept trying to get
me to take an at home test, she was more anxious than
I of course!! But, I said no I didn’t want to
do it and possibly see a negative, just because it was
too early to tell. I didn’t want to be depressed
if I saw a negative and jeopardize the embryo’s
chance of attaching to the uterus. We waited, impatiently
of course, & finally found out I was pregnant!!
One embryo had attached, so I was carrying a singleton.
I was so confident in the pregnancy, but the IP had
a lot of disappointments in her past and was not so
confident. Finally, after we reached the 16 week mark,
she was much more relaxed & not so worried about
a miscarriage happening. My pregnancy went very well.
During the first 3 months there was moodiness &
morning sickness, the second 3 months I had a couple
fits of vomiting, and the last trimester I had to stop
working a little earlier than anticipated because I
would get very lightheaded & dizzy & just didn’t
feel too good all around at work. After I quit working,
I was feeling much better. I still had these feelings
like an elephant was sitting on my chest & it was
a little hard to breathe from time to time, but everything
was going great! I was scheduled for a repeat c-section,
but the baby decided to come about 3 weeks early. Maybe
this is why I was having difficulty at work, she was
going to be coming sooner than I ever expected! She
was the most beautiful baby ever! Healthy, happy, and
so loved!
I am very blessed to have such loving and caring IPs.
I was able to spend time with the baby in the hospital
and am also staying in touch with them through emails
and text messages. It was hard coming home and leaving
the baby, but also very rewarding at the same time.
Four human beings came together to bring a fifth into
this world out of love and compassion. There, honestly,
is no other feeling like this in the world. We came
together, strangers in the beginning, and have formed
a friendship and a bond that will last forever. The
little angel born out of this surrogacy is so lucky
to be as loved as much as she is. She is truly a miracle
and a blessing in all of our lives. I am already hoping
to become a surrogate again soon….it is an amazing
experience!!
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