Fertility Musings, Questions & Answers and News

Free IVF Cycle & Book Giveaway

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 06:32:00 +0000

It turns out that there are clinics that give away free IVF cycles. Apparently HRC Fertility offered 20 such cycles - each couple had to write an essay of up to 500 words, stating their reasons for wanting to have a child.

Here's one of the stories of a couple who won a free cycle - http://www.dailybulletin.com/ci_13794655.

Want to read more stories? Sign up below for a chance to win a copy of Making Babies: Personal IVF Stories by Theresa Miller. Ms. Miller interviewed people involved in 14 stories of IVF on their way to try to become parents (some were successful, some not). One of the stories discussed "sensing" an unborn baby's thoughts and wishes, which I couldn't get in touch with. Another discussed the decision to stop treatment - an important topic I believe far too few people have written about. Overall, the book was interesting and provided plenty of opportunities to shed tears (mostly joyous ones). Leave a comment below by November 26 for your chance to win it! Tweet this post for another chance (and let me know in the comment that you have).

Coming up soon on FertilityStories Blog:

A giveaway for a shopping cart cover from CNS
An excerpt from The Stewart Institute's book, "Do You Love Someone Who is Infertile?" - a guide for a spouse, sibling, parent or friend. (They actually sent me a copy it looks fabulous!)

Womb transplants - getting closer?

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:48:00 +0000

I just read this article on the BBC News site. They report that British Doctors claim to be closer than ever to being able to transplant a womb, so that a woman could conceive (with the help of IVF), carry one or more pregnancies, deliver by c-section and then have the womb removed. The article raises a number of questions that I found both interesting and relevant.

What are your thoughts?

In the news...

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:01:00 +0000

I really enjoyed this article by Pamela Tsigdinos -Fertility Industry: Boon and Curse. She wrote it as a response to the article the New York Times ran on Sunday - "The Gift of Life, and Its Price" that I didn't find particularly interesting, but I have heard it drew a lot of comments that people going through infertility found offensive (I do my best to avoid reading them - I have enough stress in my life.)

Monday's New York Times ran an article about multiples & selective reduction that, once again, caused me to think that unmonitored IUI should be a crime (although one of the cases they talk about was monitored and still ended up with high order multiples).

If things are going to change, it should be based on the research that's been done on e-SET - elective single embryo transfer. Having read many journal articles about it and its advantages (I was planning to write a seminar paper about it, but came up with some ethical issues that got in the way), it's clear that guidelines could be written to avoid unnecessary premature births and pregnancies with high-order-multiples that endanger the mother.

The New York Times also has an online presentation about e-SET.

Laptops & reduced spermatogenesis

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 19:00:00 +0000

An article that came up in my news page today quoted Dr. Suzanne Kavic, director of the division of reproductive endocrinology at Loyola University Health System as saying that "...the heat generated from laptops can impact sperm production and development making it difficult to conceive down the road."

Since they didn't quote any research that backed that, I went to check it out. I found this abstract from Human Reproduction where Yefim Sheynkin, Michael Jung, Peter Yoo, David Schulsinger and Eugene Komaroff tested men for scrotal hyperthermia when working on laptops.

They tested 29 volunteers and found that indeed the use of laptops raised the temperature between 2.6-2.8 degrees celsius. Based on the abstract, "scrotal hyperthermia has been identified as a risk factor for male infertility" - so they've shown that laptop computers cause scrotal hyperthermia and since that's a known risk factor for male infertility, it definitely sounds like something even young boys should be made aware of.

I see there are already patent applications and products to help solve this problem.

Cervical Cancer Vaccine Scare

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 19:20:00 +0000

As I was checking the links on my links page, to make sure there weren't any dead ones, I came across this story...

It started like this: Last week, on Sept 28, 2009 , Natalie Morton, a British 14-year-old girl died suddenly, just over an hour after having been given Cervarix, a vaccine against HPV (human papilloma virus) produced by GlaxoSmithKline (see video). 9 other girls reported feeling mildly ill. So GSK quickly recalled all the unused doses in the batch, while an autopsy and investigation began.

Obviously some chose to make the immediate link between the vaccine and her death. But then the autopsy showed that Natalie Morton, in fact, had a large malignant tumor in her heart and lungs. (Though this article claims the autopsy is just a cover-up.)

And then there's the question asked by Deborah Kotz (follow-up post) as to whether if a vaccine did indeed cause a single injury or death - does that deem it unsafe (DK's original post)? (Read the comments too, if you want to be really confused.) It makes sense to me that a vaccine would have to do more good than harm - if we consider 1.4 million girls who were vaccinated, how many of them were likely to die or suffer due to cervical cancer (if they had not been vaccinated)? I'm glad that it seems that Natalie's death was not caused by the vaccine - and I hope that somehow people will get the information needed to make the best decision for their daughters - and not be swayed by a single, terrible coincidence that linked the vaccine with death.

Truly evil - prank pregnancy test

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:01:00 +0000

This should be taken off of eBay...

Mistakes that should never happen

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 12:36:00 +0000

It should never have happened that doctors transferred the wrong embryos to Carolyn Savage. I feel terrible for her and for her family and some people may think that Paul and Shannon Morell got a good deal - no pregnancy, healthy baby - but I feel terrible for them too. They missed out on experiencing a pregnancy, on being there and able to feel his first kicks and I bet they've also got some guilt about taking the baby (who is biologically theirs) from Sean and Carolyn Savage - even though the mistake wasn't theirs. I have a lot of respect for Sean & Carolyn who decided to continue the pregnancy - I can think of all the reasons why they "had" to, but I can think of a lot of reasons why they might not want to too. I hope the two families will be able to form some kind of relationship that will give both a sense of peace about what happened.

Dr. Grumbles posted an article about Ochsner Hospital (in New Orleans) that was shut down due to "mishandling of frozen embryos". Some of the embryos are mislabeled or missing. Missing I've heard of before - inexcusable and horrible, but not nearly as scary as mislabeled. I can't imagine the 100 families (or so) who are dealing with this news. When I was going through IVF it occurred to me that there could be a mix up, but then I thought, "I'm putting crazy ideas into my head. That's exactly what these people do - keep the embryos labeled correctly so there are no mistakes - and they know how important it is." One would hope...

These recent events make it even more understandable why some people would choose to have the entire process supervised. For many years, orthodox Jews (particularly ultra-orthodox) have had specially-trained supervisors who watch the process from start to finish, making sure there are no mix-ups. This article discusses the cooperation formed between The Jewish Community Council of Montreal (Vaad Ha’ir) and the McGill Reproductive Centre, located at the Royal Victoria Hospital - they've launched a program that strictly adheres to halachah (Jewish Law) while offering the latest technology, including in vitro fertilization (IVF). I bet more and more people, not only Jews, are going to be interested in this type of supervised IVF in the near future.

Book Excerpt - Making Babies by Theresa Miller

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 07:25:00 +0000

From the introduction to Theresa Miller's book - Making Babies - a book about IVF Experiences*

"I was conceived accidentally by a couple of teenagers in the back seat of a 1960s pink Ford Zephyr at the drive-in movies in Adelaide. I don't know what was playing that night, but it obviously didn't capture my parents' attention. Four months later, my Catholic grandparents marched their disgraced children down the aisle...

Except for my grinning father wearing a tight borrowed suit, my 18-year-old mother and the rest of the family looked grim faced in the wedding photos. My parents went on to have my little sister three years later. Their marriage lasted 15 years, which is not a bad track record for a shotgun wedding.

And so it was, that my mother warned me not to make the same mistakes she’d made. “Don’t get married young, see the world, go to university, have a career, have lots of boyfriends before you settle down and most importantly, don’t get pregnant accidentally!”

Dutifully, I followed my mother’s instructions. I went to university and studied journalism, landed a job as a TV reporter, worked in London and Europe for six years, lived with my violinist boyfriend in Switzerland and traveled the world.

When I met my husband-to-be, Stuart Ziegler, in Sydney, I was 31 and ready to settle down. Within a few months, I fell pregnant accidentally. I was excited but Stuart wasn’t so thrilled. Our relationship was still new and he was worried about how he’d support us. My mother’s words were ringing in my head, “Don’t ever make a man marry you because you’re pregnant.” So with a heavy heart, I had a termination. A decision, we both came to deeply regret.

Six months later Stuart and I were married. I threw my contraceptive pill away and we tried in earnest to start a family. Nothing happened after the first year. I wasn’t too worried. I was working as a TV reporter and traveling often. It was probably just bad timing, I told myself. After the second year, I began to worry I’d damaged my fallopian tubes somehow with the termination. Tests revealed everything was fine.

By the third year, the strain was taking its toll on our marriage and I blamed Stuart for ‘making me have an abortion.’ We began to argue more than we were having sex. By the fourth year, family and friends stopped asking about the ‘pitter patter of little feet.’ When I heard about friends falling pregnant easily I’d smile and congratulate them and go home and cry.

I started to investigate IVF but the only books I found were technical manuals and a devastating memoir by a woman who tried unsuccessfully for years and suffered terrible side effects from the drugs.

At first, I stubbornly rejected IVF, saying, “We’ve conceived once naturally, we can do it again!” Instead we spent a fortune on acupuncture, naturopaths, Chinese herbalists, spiritual healers and ayurvedic medicine. By now, my sense of humour was drying up and according to my doctor, so were my eggs.

Around the time of my 37th birthday I met a woman at a party who told me she’d just had twins using IVF. When I told her my age, and that we’d been trying to conceive for five years, she said, “For God’s sake woman, get yourself down to the Baby Factory and get on the IVF program. You’ve got no time to lose!”

So that’s exactly what we did. After talking to the nurses at Sydney IVF, I threw down my visa card and said, “Book us in.” At last I felt like we were doing something proactive. Every morning Stuart would inject me in the bottom and except for one jab, which made me feel like my legs were crawling with ants, I didn’t have any adverse reactions to the drugs.

I didn’t tell anyone at work what we were doing, but every morning I felt buoyed by my secret when I logged on to my computer with the password “Zoë Ziegler.”

Harvest or egg pick-up day was the first anniversary of September 11. As I placed my legs in stirrups and winced while the doctor extracted eggs from my pumped up ovaries with a long needle, I wondered what sort of world I would be bringing a child into. But the human instinct to procreate seems to override logic, good sense and even fear.

My pride at producing the grand total of nineteen eggs as if I was a prize-winning chook was dashed the next day when only three fertilised. I couldn’t help wondering whether my crusty old eggs were to blame or my husband’s lazy sperm.

At Sydney IVF, they grow the fertilised egg for five days until it’s a multi-celled blastocyst, before transferring it into the mother’s womb. It seemed surreal, that while we were at work or out to dinner, our ‘offspring’ were growing in a petri dish in the city.

Every day Stuart would ring the lab to see how ‘the little guys’ were doing. In the meantime, I tried to convince Stuart we should have two embryos, rather than one, transferred to increase my chances, even though our doctor had warned us we could end up with twins. I left a letter on Stuart’s desk headlined: ‘Ten Reasons Why We Should Have Twins’ followed by bullet points. Stuart still laughs about it today and wished he’d kept that paper to remind me whenever I complain what a handful one child is.

As it turned out we didn’t have the twin option. According to the lab, one blastocyst was way out in front as an ‘A’ grade specimen, which meant the cells were dividing rapidly while the other two were growing more slowly. They recommend transferring the good one and freezing the other two as back up. As it turned out, the slower blastocysts stopped dividing and simply disintegrated before they even got to the freezer. I was devastated. The doctor tried to reassure me. “It’s not every day I get to transfer such a good looking blastocyst,” he said.

I’ll never forget looking down the microscope at what we nicknamed, the ‘blasting blastocyst’ that was to become Zoë Ziegler. After the doctor had transferred the fertilised egg into my uterus, I asked him if I should go home and put my legs up, so it wouldn’t fall out. He laughed, “There are women out there who have no idea they have a five-day-old embryo growing inside them and they’re drinking champagne and dancing all night. Now it’s simply up to that embryo whether if wants to become a baby or not.”

Somehow, I found that strangely reassuring. For all its incredible technology, IVF still has to leave room for the magic and mystery of creation.

Zoë is Greek for ‘life’. As I look at my beautiful, bright and bubbly three-year-old daughter, I don’t just marvel at the wonder of IVF; I marvel at the wonder of her and all children.

Why does new life sometimes spring unbidden from a once-off romp in the back of a car and other times refuse to blossom despite years of yearning? My newfound awe sent me on a quest to interview other people who’d also experienced IVF. I sought both men’s and women’s personal stories. As it turned out, it was mostly women who responded. I was touched by their open hearted and candid stories. Together we sat in their kitchens or on their sofas and laughed and wept at their journeys.

Not all the stories in this book have happy endings like mine. Some have given up IVF after years of trying without success; others are still on the treadmill.

After countless miscarriages, one woman finally gave birth to a baby, which tragically died weeks later from a rare congenital disease. Another couple gave birth to twins after a friend donated her eggs, while a mother of three impulsively donated her eggs to a stranger.

Women also tell of enduring personal tragedies in their quest for a child; while one woman mourned her brother’s suicide, another was dumped by her partner in the middle of her IVF cycle. Neither gave up their dreams of becoming mothers.

I also spoke to a remarkable young woman who was the product of one of the earliest IVF programs. At school she was teased and called a ‘test tube baby’, now she’s an ambassador for an infertility network.

Assisted reproductive technology has also made it possible for gays and singles to be parents too. A gay male couple and a single woman in her forties share their stories of baby hunger.

All these memoirs are very different. All display courage, determination, vulnerability, love and proof that the desire for a baby is bigger than us all.

P.S. As I wrote this introduction, my pregnant belly pressed against the desk. After Zoë turned three, we decided not to do IVF again and be content with one child. I gave away the high chair, the pram and my maternity clothes. A month later my hands shook as I held the pregnancy test and looked at the two red lines showing a positive result. Our second daughter, Sienna - the homegrown type, was born in January 2007.

See: www.MakingBabiesIVF.com

*reprinted here with permission from the author

Life after infertility treatments

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 19:32:00 +0000

There's a great article in Thursday's New York Times - Shelagh Little writes about making the decision to stop fertility treatments and live without children.

Mushrooms anyone?

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:00:00 +0000

OK, I realize this is off-topic, but Ohad spotted this in our garden today, growing in the pot with the basil and we have no clue what kind of mushroom it is. Any ideas?

And, if I’m already off topic, I welcome you to visit my new blog – http://www.internationalshippingshops.blogspot.com – a listing of online shops that have items for decent prices AND ship worldwide. If you have any ideas for that, feel free to pass them on.

PCOS, Acupuncture, Surrogacy & Donor Gamete Babies

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 19:50:00 +0000

In this article published by NewsMax (which my dad sent me), they discuss a recent study performed by Elisabet Stener Victorin at the Sahlgrenska Academy, University of Gothenburg, Sweden. In it, they studied women diagnosed as having polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).

During the study, one group of women with polycystic ovary syndrome received acupuncture regularly for four months. They received a type of acupuncture known as “electro acupuncture”, in which the needles are stimulated with a weak low frequency electric current, similar to that developed during muscular work. A second group of women were provided with heart rate monitors and instructed to exercise at least three times a week. A control group was informed about the importance of exercise and a healthy diet, but was given no other specific instructions.

The results showed more normal menstruation and significantly lower testosterone levels in the group who received acupuncture.

My mom sent me this article (yeah, sounds like I no longer have to do any of my own research) about children born via surrogacy, egg donation and sperm donation. Polly Casey from the Centre for Family Research at Britain's Cambridge University studied nearly 200 families – 128 with children born using assisted reproduction of one of the types mentioned above and 70 conceived without ART. She found that “the family types did not differ in the overall quality of the relationship between mothers and their children and fathers and their children”.

The article also discusses parents’ intentions as to revealing donor and surrogacy issues to their children and what they actually chose to do by the time the children were seven years old.

Infertility Jewelry

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 18:37:00 +0000

I recently came across LifeMedals, which was established by a woman who went through many years of infertility and many, many cycles of treatment. Her story is fascinating and I find that I really admire what she’s chosen to do with it – to create jewelry that reflects qualities necessary to get through really difficult times. The fertility hope medal (on the right) is one that I think so many women would love to have… I know I would. It also seems like a great gift for parents to give a daughter or daughter-in-law who is still trying to conceive.

Do you have a piece of jewelry that you connect with your infertility?

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I’m not affiliated with LifeMedals.com and do not receive commissions or any benefit whatsoever for purchases of jewelry.

Infertility & Lack of Sleep

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 17:30:00 +0000

What's the connection, if any, you ask? I just read this article by Michael J. Breus about a possible link between lack of sleep and impaired fertility. He mentions these points:

Sleep's effect on the body's hormonal system - implying that a lack of sleep could hinder regular ovulation.
Sleep deprivation's effect on leptin levels, which can also have an impact on ovulation.
Insomniacs' higher levels of cortisol and adrenocorticotropic, both of which can suppress healthy cycles.

He quotes this article by Toni Parker that discusses research performed in Boston on women athletes who were given leptin to help resume their menstrual cycles and restore ovarian function. (There's a movie clip and several tips on how to sleep better there too.)

And while I find all of these studies interesting - and their advice good to follow, just for general good health - I think it's still important to say that a lot of cases of infertility can't be solved simply by getting a better night's sleep - on the other hand, you really have nothing to lose...

Infertility in China

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 19:17:00 +0000

CNN ran an article yesterday about infertility in China. When I think about China and babies, my first thought is how awful it must be to be limited to just one baby and how sad it is that some parents feel that having a daughter is some sort of failure… Even with my being so aware of infertility, China wasn’t one of the places I thought about. (Although I have thought about China for a lot of other reasons, including my parents’ multiple trips there – see http://drsavta.com/travelkosher/ for amazing pictures and fascinating information, especially if you keep kosher and are interested in having the best tour guide ever… BTW, they’re going to Vietnam & Cambodia too.) Anyway, I found the article both interesting and surprising… and I’m happy for the couple featured in the article that they ended up having not one but two healthy babies :-)

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I updated my post about tooth gemination and added new pictures.

More Key & Lock info

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 08:13:00 +0000

I'm discovering that there's a nice community of infertility twitterers. I'm planning to create a directory (sign up in the comments of this post), but so far there haven't been too many sign-ups (1, if I recall correctly). So... I was going through Machon Puah's tweets and found a better article than the one I recently posted - The secret life of sperm is unlocked.

I'm still skeptical of people's willingness to accept results of such a test, if and when it finally exists.

Egg & Sperm - Lock & Key?

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 19:33:00 +0000

I finally opened a twitter account for Fertility Stories (feel free to follow me - http://twitter.com/fertilitystorie) and someone sent me a message asking me if I'd seen this article.

The article mentions Dr. Martin Brinkworth, Dr. David Miller at the University of Leeds and Dr. David Iles (but doesn't mention where -if anywhere- results of the study are being published). It summarizes their findings:

The study researchers have found out a mechanism called lock-and-key mechanism by which reproduction takes place.
In living organisms, sperm and egg cells unite in a distinct way. The sperm cells have keys (genetic signals or codes) and the eggs have locks (genetic signals or codes) and only the most suitable key signal can fit into the lock of an egg.

OK. Sounds interesting, but how does this help, I asked myself... Later in the article comes their explanation:

The scientists could use the newer understanding to develop some test to screen infertile man. This would cut down the failure rate of IVF by 75 percent as filtering out male candidates who can never produce children would become possible.

To this, all I can say is, "Yeah, right". Who's going to take a sperm sample that looks fairly normal and then run it by a lab that stamps a big "FAIL" on the results and decide, "oh, OK, so I'll just never have a biological child"? And what happens if the woman, even just once, got pregnant naturally and, even if it ended in miscarriage, are they really going to accept that his sperm isn't able to fertilize her ova? I just don't believe that a lab test, without ever actually going through the process of IVF is going to convince the average couple...

Now, if these guys could find a way to fix the 'key' mechanism, I'd be the first to say they were on to something...

Volunteer for Israel - Yes. This commercial, no.

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 10:23:00 +0000

Today's Ha'aretz ran a story on an Israeli campaign to encourage volunteering in Israel. It's point is supposed to be that there are a variety of plans available for developing careers, volunteering or studying in Israel (not sure which, I didn't check it out). Ohad pointed the article out to me since the headline was "Rachel Disrobes" and he thought that was pretty funny... and since it starts with an ad that says "Surrogate Mother Available", I had to see it. Here it is:

**was - it was removed from YouTube

So I watched it and watched it again. The article says it shows a good sense of humor and that people like it. First of all, only a little over 6000 people have watched it. Not very successful for a YouTube video. Second, of the 3 people they asked about it, two said they didn't like it.

If I understand correctly, the story is that Rachel hit hard economic times, so she decided to become a surrogate mother, whereas really, she should have just come to Israel. The connection's a little difficult for me. And, being pro-surrogacy (actually, unrelated, I recently discovered that someone I'm in daily contact with had a child through surrogacy after having life-threatening medical issues that prevented her from having another child) it disturbs me that surrogacy is being presented as being such a terrible choice. It almost looks like they wanted to use prostitution, but just took a step back & presented surrogacy in the same light.

Desperation...

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 10:18:00 +0000

Here's a story I received recently from a woman named Jolly, in Uganda. I wonder if anyone can offer her ideas on where to seek help.

I am not sure whether you only receive success stories. I am not yet successful but I would like to share my burden of childlessness. I have been married for ten years. We wanted to have children as soon as possible, so we did not try any family planning method. I became pregnant in the second month after wedding. I immediately developed problems and the doctors found out that I had fibroids. At 5 months I lost the baby. I was then put on many treatments but finally I was operated on to remove the fibroids. I then had 2 more miscarriages. After which I could not conceive anymore.
Scan results revealed that adhesions blocked the tubes. I went for another operation on the tubes still I could not get pregnant. I have since tried IVF twice and failed. I have spent all my savings on trying to have children in vain. I was thinking of trying having a surrogate mother. In Uganda it is socially not acceptable but I would like to go against the odds. The major problem now is money. I have a four year loan that i am paying off because of the last procedures. I do not know what else to do. Could there be a support centre somewhere that can help frustrated parents like us? We would be most grateful.

Getting here...

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 12:16:00 +0000

Just like most people, I watch my site stats (I use statcounter) and there are a few trends that I've noticed:

That Rotten Two Week Wait is the most popular post (by far)
IVM - In Vitro Maturation is drawing a great deal of interest - especially when covered by the media.

The third most popular topic is, surprisingly about donating sperm within the family or to friends. Queries (all from the last 2 or 3 days) include:

best friend wife donate sperm
brother bil sperm donor
legalities of donating sperm to our friend
lesbian couple brother's sperm
asking a friend to donate sperm
brother in law wants my husband's sperm

The post itself has a nice discussion going on in the comments. It's obviously a very complicated subject and its good that people who are considering it are reading up on it first.

Another post that's a little farther down is "Low, non-doubling betas suck". Now, this is especially sad for me, because I was there and it was so bad that I hate for anyone else to have to go through it. That said, I have heard of success stories with both low and with non-doubling betas (though none that I remember that had both).

If you got here through a search, let me know what information you were looking for & I'm pretty sure I can help you find it.

On another note entirely, Pamela Tsigdinos, author of Silent Sorority, posted her story on Fertility Stories. Go over and read it and consider buying her book too. I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but I have read many other things she's written and her writing is fantastic.

Pearl earrings - win 'em fast...

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:16:00 +0000

Go visit http://blogherathome.com/ and check out the great swag...

I'm giving away 10 sets of 5 pairs of genuine freshwater pearl earrings.

Find out how to win them here: http://blogherathome.com/index.php/2009/07/04/infertility-and-earrings/

Good luck!

Confetti Love - By Miriam Zoll

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:10:00 +0000

Miriam Zoll wanted to share this short story - Confetti Love - with the readers of FertilityStories. Enjoy!

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Confetti Love
by Miriam Zoll

At the red light I jumped out of the car into the cold December night. We had been fighting these last few weeks. Quibbling was really the right word. Putting our fingers on the small pulses of our life together and offering polite critiques like rabid political pundits during the presidential season.

This evening Michael was pointing out the negative ways I continued to frame the disappointments of my life. He wanted desperately to have a glass half full but I was still half empty.

“I will not paint a smile on my face where one does not exist,” I told him angrily as I slammed the car door.

It was just turning cold enough to see your own breath and he watched as small puffs of white air trailed behind me like the trail of breadcrumbs Hansel left for the woodcutter. But he decided not to follow me. I turned right at the intersection and he turned left.

I watched him drive away then stood still for a moment in my thin leather jacket looking up at the tops of tall sugar maples backlit by the streetlights.

“What am I doing here?” I wondered. We had been so warm and affectionate that morning and now I was standing alone in the cold in the middle of an unknown town. It was truly like a Star Trek episode where Spock and Bones and the Captain are beamed down to some distant planet that is completely alien to them. All of my physical readings looked normal: I could breathe the air, stand on solid ground, place one foot in front of the other and walk all the way to Timbuktu if I wanted to. But inside my emotional compass had lost all of its bearings. I was no longer capable of steering my life or his on an even keel. Now here I was unsure of whether our marriage would make it through to the morning. Over the last few years our love had been shredded like a letter. What we were now experiencing was the confetti of our love; the little bits and pieces that comprise the whole, the little bits that are so disjointed you can’t really tell where we fit together anymore. In the middle of that intersection I realized I could head north, south, east or west. One path could lead to motherhood. One path could lead to divorce. One path could lead to a life of asceticism, like the gaunt and bony holy homeless of India. Which path would I take?
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Read the rest of the story here.

Twittering infertility

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 20:36:00 +0000

Not only have I recently created a twitter account for Fertility Stories (come follow me here: http://twitter.com/fertilitystorie) but I realize there are quite a few infertility tweets going around.

If you tweet about infertility, leave a comment so that I can both follow you and create a directory of infertility (or fertility) twitterers.

My tweets are about site and story updates, interesting articles and news.

Book Excerpt - Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:31:00 +0000

Iris Waichler, who wrote Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster was willing for me to share an excerpt with you. It seems (from what I've read on her site and in reviews) that she's chosen to approach the big picture a little more practically than some others - talking about, for example, how to find a doctor or lawyer and the possibility of deciding to stop pursuing treatment and to remain childless.

Here's the last chapter of the book. Enjoy!
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SOME FINAL THOUGHTS ON THE RIDE

This summer I took my daughter to an amusement park. We went with a friend who also has a daughter as a result of infertility treatment. We ended up taking a ride on one of those chute roller coasters that ends up splashing in water. Kids my daughter’s age and size were allowed to ride it. I hate roller coasters and haven’t ridden one in over twenty years. We slowly inched our way up and I thought this isn’t so bad. Suddenly we were at the top of a forty foot drop. Our car began falling down the tracks. My heart raced, my anxiety level shot up, and my head throbbed. I had my daughter in a death grip. We made it to the bottom of the ride and hit with a big splash, before gently floating into the stopping point.

My friend and I staggered out of the chute car. We were shaken. Our girls jumped up and screamed, “Let’s do it again and again.” I thought: let’s try another ride (not a roller coaster). There was a giant pirate ship that moved back and forth like a pendulum. We climbed on that, and as it began to rock back and forth, I lost my stomach on the second swing. I closed my eyes praying it would end soon, and hoping that keeping my eyes shut would ease my suffering. It didn’t! My friend and I got off that ride and I looked at her and said, “The things we do for our kids. I’m sure that’s not the last time we’ll do something for them we would never do otherwise.” She nodded and smiled knowingly. It was also somehow comforting to have my friend there with me going through it. She totally understood what I was thinking and feeling without me saying much of anything.

I thought about that day as I began to write this last chapter. There is the obvious parallel of the roller coaster, which I use as a metaphor throughout this book. I thought those rides that day really did mirror infertility treatment for me and many others. I would do something that terrified me, that wreaked havoc on my body and my mind for my child. I would take what I perceived as a personal risk for her. When I knew I couldn’t handle the roller coaster anymore I chose another ride, hoping that different ride would work, and it would please her and end successfully for both of us.

Those of you reading this book will be in many stages along your infertility journey. There will be days when things will go well, when test results are promising, or when you actually learn that you are pregnant. The day may finally come when it is time to leave and go bring home your newly adopted child and start your family. You may get word from your clinic that they have found a donor match for you or that a surrogate has been identified who will help make your dream of becoming a parent come true.

There will also be days where your test results will show that you are not pregnant. And days when you learn the medication you have been taking is not working, and you will have to try something new. Perhaps, you will continue to be unsuccessful at getting pregnant, and your physician won’t be able to identify the reason for your infertility. Maybe you will get to the point where you feel that if you have to undergo one more needle prick you will scream. You may ask yourself what is wrong with you or your partner—or what “bad thing” you did—that you are unable to create a child, no matter how many treatment options you use.

There may also come a day when you and your partner decide to stop infertility treatment and begin your post-treatment life, choosing to live childfree. It may be hard to imagine this day coming, depending on who you are, and where you are in your infertility journey. Not everyone succeeds, but life can have many fruitful outcomes.

All of these scenarios are emotionally charged. Whatever happens to you and your partner as you continue along the path of your infertility treatment, you can be certain you will be forever changed by your infertility experiences. Your relationships with your partner, your family, and your friends will also be impacted by your infertility experience. Your infertility will challenge and perhaps change these boundaries. You will be forced to make difficult decisions along that way that will test you in new ways. Your infertility journey may cause you to question your own instinct and your judgment. It will force you and your partner to look deeply inside yourselves to understand and define your values, religious beliefs, and life choices. By definition, the need to undergo infertility treatment creates a life crisis.

My hope for you is that you also recognize that you do not need to be a passive passenger on this difficult infertility journey. After reading this book, I hope you can and will be able to assume an active role. If you have a doctor that does not seem to be meeting your needs, you can find another one. You can hire an attorney to offer you information and provide you with the legal protection you need as you negotiate surrogate, adoption, or donor arrangements. Remember, you do not need to go through infertility treatment alone. If you are having difficulty coping with the challenges that arise, you can seek counseling on an individual or support group level. There are lots of places to go to get the specific information that you need to make informed decisions along the way. Friends and family can be educated by you and your partner, and if you enable them, they can help you meet your needs as you proceed through your infertility journey.

The surprising part about the challenges of infertility is that facing them can become an empowering experience for you. You will need to arm yourself with the proper tools, knowledge, and support systems. Don’t be afraid to rely on existing support systems or, if necessary, you can help build new support systems to aid you and others to get to where you are going. Allow yourself the flexibility you need to alter your course along the way, as your circumstances change. Your infertility journey may help you achieve a new and greater level of intimacy with your partner, your family, and certain friends. Your ability to overcome the crisis that may occur can strengthen you. You may make new and lifelong friends along the way. You can actively determine if and when your journey comes to an end. Give yourself permission to look at and consider all of the options that are available to you. Take comfort in knowing that the number of treatment options available to you is growing. The technology, science, and research are ongoing, and ever changing. As doctors gain a greater understanding of the realm of infertility, the success rates for infertility treatment are improving. There is no reason to think that this trend won’t continue.

There is no doubt that, wherever and whenever you emerge from your infertility journey, you will be forever changed. There is no way to know the outcome or what it will make of you. You will certainly be changed in ways that you had not considered when you began. The person you become as a result of this experience will be better equipped to deal with other life challenges that will undoubtedly arise in the future. The resiliency of the human spirit, and the potential capacity that we all have to cope with uncertainty and crisis, is something that has never ceased to amaze me in my many years of work as a social worker.

My hope and wish for you is that, wherever your own personal infertility journey ultimately takes you, it is a place you can accept and look forward from. Whatever our outcomes, we all need to find a future direction where we want and choose to go. My wish is that, wherever this leads for you, it ultimately offers you some sense of peace, belonging and fulfillment.

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Find out more about Iris Waichler's book at her site - Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster

Rainbows for Kate

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 16:32:00 +0000

...for more info.

Post stolen from Bea. (I hope you don't mind.)

Making pita

noreply@blogger.com (Rachel Inbar) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:06:00 +0000

Ever since we took Abigail to Kibbutz Gezer, where they had an activity that included making pita, I’ve been thinking that I’d like to make pita at home. I’ve done it once in the past and it came out great, but then I lost the recipe and couldn’t find another one that looked worth trying.

So today, when Ohad said that he preferred I use the outdoor barbeque to make chicken, I figured I’d finally use the cheapo wok we bought and make more pita. (You flip the wok upside down on the barbeque. Works like a charm.) Instead, I ended up finding a recipe that actually recommended you make the pita in the oven and I didn’t feel like standing in front of the barbeque anyway, so I made them in the oven.

The recipe makes 8. We were able to take 2 to freeze – the others all got eaten straight out of the oven.

The kids kept asking me how you make the pockets. You don’t. They just magically appear :-)