Uh Oh - The Opposite Direction

Today, as I was crossing the street with Abigail, I saw E. E has a daughter in the same grade as my twins & a son who's about 3 years younger. When I was pregnant with Nomi, we met at the bus stop & spoke (we first met about 7 years ago). She was in about the same week I was and she was really excited. My impression was that she'd been trying for a long time. She subsequently lost the pregnancy at around 20 weeks, I was never aware of the circumstances. Because she was already showing at the time, she had an email sent out to our community, explaining that she had miscarried. My heart fell when I heard. It seemed so unfair... I hoped that they would be successful again soon.

Today, when I crossed the street, I'm sure she couldn't miss the fact that I am expecting again. I thought about how looking at me with Abigail must remind her of the fact that we would have had children who were the same age (even though hers would have been Nomi's age). I thought about how hard it must be for her because I'm only one of the women she sees all the time who's gone on to have more children while she hasn't been successful (and when you have 2 kids in school, you run into these women often).

I also wonder if, after already having 2 children and then losing a long-awaited pregnancy so late, you wouldn't just give up at some point & think, "I can't do this to myself anymore."

Mostly, I felt guilty for how seeing me might have made her feel.