I may have to kill someone

But perhaps instead I'll just give a few simple rules...

1) If you know when I'm due, please don't ask me every time you see me / talk to me. My due date isn't going to change and if you don't remember what it is from the first 29 times you asked me, it might not actually be that important to you...

2) Don't ask me if I have symptoms of impending labor. If I wanted to say something I would. Also, please avoid the annoying 'checking-in' phone calls, unless you want to tempt me not to tell you when the baby actually is born. (I do allow people to call for that purpose after Shabbat, but they have to pretend that that's not why...)

3) I only want to talk about my weight with people who are totally uninterested. If you're really dying to know, don't ask me and I'll probably slip. If you ask me, I may ask you back and, believe me, you'll be more embarrassed than I will.

4) Drop the 'any day now' line. I know perfectly well how long it could be.

This post has been brought to you by the letter P and the number 39.