That Rotten Two Week Wait... Rambling
As soon as the 2ww begins, you're soooooooo in tune with your body. It's like everything's under a magnifying glass. Are my breasts sore? You put your hands on them to make sure. Is the smell of (fill in the blank) making me sick? COOL! Didn't I just go to the restroom a few minutes ago... quick lookup... frequent urination? YES! Another sure sign... And then you remember that it's only been about half-a-day since your IUI, IVF or natural attempt... Hey, only 13-1/2 more days to go.
A good thing to do at this time is to take care of yourself as if you are pregnant. Get enough rest, eat healthy foods, take your folic acid. Fantasize about things that make you happy - enjoy it now, who knows what will be at the end of the two weeks?
So you've gotten through the first few days? The next step is the bargaining step. You think to yourself, "I won't test at least until the (fill in the blank-th) day" or "I am waiting for the blood test." And the days eventually go by, they have to. Slowly, but they do... You read up on how long it takes until the sperm meets the egg, how long it takes for the fertilized egg to travel from the fallopian tube to the uterus, how long it takes for implantation. You wonder if implantation bleeding is real or a myth. Is it a good sign or a bad sign (whether you have it or not)? Once 7 or 8 days have passed, you realize implantation really could have occurred.
The magnifying glass now acquires a high-powered-lamp and a super-sonic microphone system to go along with it. I crave pickles. And chocolate ice cream. And I am so tired. All the time. My breasts are sore. They must be sore. And my jeans don't fit the way they did yesterday. Or... maybe this is all in my head...
By day 10, the bargaining usually begins again, along with the thoughts, "If I test now, it's still probably too early... that means I can test now & it's still not final... So, if it's negative, I still have a chance..." Some women break down about here. Some last another few days and some make it through the whole two weeks.
Toward the very end, it gets a little easier. By then you've pretty much decided if you are or aren't pregnant and taking the test means you're actually ready to know for sure. My guess is that every woman, even if she's "sure" she's pregnant, is at least a little worried that the test will be negative... and that will end the fantasy.
In this, the age of impatience, many of the searches for Fertility Stories have to do with pregnancy symptoms. Cramping after IUI; not nauseous pregnant; if my breasts are sore am I pregnant; faint pink line pregnancy; no symptoms pregnancy; IVF implantation bleeding... if you think about it, it makes sense. A letter that used to take a week is now an email that takes 10 seconds. News that you waited until 5:00pm to hear is on the Internet instantly. You can check your bank account to make sure your check was deposited even if you only think about it at 2:15am and if you need your addressed changed on something, you send a fax so they can change it right away... so why does it have to take 2 whole weeks to find out if you're pregnant???
This is where this blog entry actually ends... If you want to read on, feel free. Before that, just a quick ad - this is my favorite online bookstore & I highly recommend it!
I (see my story here) went through this (the rotten two week wait) oh... about 50 times, I'd say (maybe more). Each time I'd think it couldn't be so bad to wait two weeks & each time discovered anew that two weeks can be an eternity. With the first pregnancy (from IVF), my breasts were so tender by the 9th day that I couldn't sleep on my stomach. It was back in the olden days when they made you wait 20 days - by day 19, I felt so awful that I called the nurse and told her I thought I was coming down with the flu. She asked me what I was feeling and sent me for a blood test. It came back late that night. My beta was 2500.
With the second pregnancy (IVF - frozen embryo transfer), I had bleeding before the 14 days were up, so I had my sister run and get me a home pregnancy test on day 12. It was positive. I assumed the bleeding was a sign that it wasn't going to succeed & I was shocked on day 14 to find that my beta was 599 (I was to later discover that I was expecting twins). In both cases, I have to admit that I felt "something" that was getting stronger and stronger.
My 3rd IVF pregnancy didn't start well (and didn't end well). My beta was 29 & there was a huge hematoma (blood clot) in the uterus. I miscarried sometime around the 13th week (after several weeks of bleeding heavily on & off).
Ironically, my 2ww was much shorter than expected with my last pregnancy - I was in my first cycle after delivering my daughter, exclusively breastfeeding, and I thought the chance of pregnancy was fairly low. I had what I thought were either pre-menstrual cramps or ovulation, so I took an ovulation test (I sell discount kits out of my home) and it was positive, so I guessed I was finally ovulating... A week later, I was feeling tired and just generally different. Without thinking, I took a pregnancy test upstairs, put my baby in her crib (she was all of 4-1/2 months) and took the test, which was immediately positive (no waiting a minute, no faint pink line). I was in shock. So was my husband, when I was finally able to tell him about half-an-hour later. I decided to kill my business selling ovulation kits & pregnancy tests if the test was wrong. The next day, I took a test made by a different company (I get free samples too...) and it was positive even before I put it down on the counter... It turned out that I was 6 weeks pregnant. (I didn't kill the business :-))
Nomi was born March 25, 2006. Yirmi joined our family on March 8, 2008.
Labels: my life