updated Sept 29, 2006
This letter is dedicated to you, my child...
When I was just 16, I knew I was ready. It was then
that I took responsibility for what might, if only by
mistake, happen... and I knew, I was certain, that even
if the time was wrong, I would always be ready for you,
The years went by and I met your father. My dream became
more and more real... First we waited for me to grow
up a bit, then to get married, to settle down, to find
All that time you were with me... I saw you. I felt
you... I imagined your grandparents, aunts and uncles
deciding who you look like... I thought through the
pre-birth fears and imagined your terrified father trying
to be a hero for my sake during the birth... I pictured
taking turns waking up at night, nursing you... I considered
whether I should go back to work after three months...
and decided I want to spend more time with you...
I laughed your first laugh and felt sorry for the poor
dog whose ears you pulled and whose tail you kept trying
But it was all in my head, my heart and my soul and
years of expectation came to a shattering end in a single
Now, when 10 years have gone by since the day I found
out, I busy myself mostly with doctors and tests, shots
and ampules, egg retrieval and embryo transfer... clinics
And you... I dream about you late at night, when it's
dark and quiet. Silently, you sneak into my thoughts...
making my eyes damp, my heart ache and my breath heavy...
And you... I dream about you now...
Update from Sept 29, 2006
Donna wrote this week to say that just
a few months after she wrote this letter she found herself
pregnant... with twins. Her boys are now 8 months old
and she and her husband could not be happier.